


Arguments, Brawls, & Bombs

by st_mick



Series: Niffler [20]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Attempted car theft, CoE Day One - heavily tweaked - as per, Ducklifors is a useful tool, Jack misreads the situation, M/M, So is hand-to-hand training, Then again - so does Ianto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 14:19:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_mick/pseuds/st_mick
Summary: A little more than six months have passed, and things are going really well.  That is, until Jack misunderstands Ianto's motivations and a hurtful argument ensues.  But no time to wallow, because all of the children on the planet are being intermittently possessed.  Ianto's visit to his sister goes no better than usual (but then again, no worse), and his consolation is a good brawl to clear his head, a bit.  Back at the hub, buns in ovens are discovered.  Gwen's is a delightful discovery.  The bomb in Jack's belly?  Not so much...





	Arguments, Brawls, & Bombs

Spring turned to summer, and summer to fall, and as the months passed, Ianto found himself in a strange and terrifying place.  He was _happy_.  He wouldn’t have known how to admit it to anyone, for fear of jinxing it, somehow, but those golden seasons were close to idyllic. 

His magic settled and integrated with the rest of his “new normal”, as Jack called it.  He had never felt more at ease, more fluid, more _himself_.  And soon enough, he acclimated to the frankly alarming amount of magic coursing through his being.  He continued to train periodically with Professor McGonagall and Kingsley, taking full advantage of their mentoring and enjoying their friendship.

He found he needed his wand less and less, though he still carried it, having a great fondness for it.  After all, he’d had it since he was eleven.  He thanked all that was sacred and holy that Luna had been able to persuade Mr. Ollivander to repair it after it had been broken at Canary Wharf.  The old man later confided that he had been a bit surprised that he’d been able to mend the damage. 

He used his wand whenever he was around witches or wizards he did not know, but otherwise he became used to casting spells and using his magic without requiring the wand to focus it.  It had taken his friends time to get used to it, as it was fairly unusual in the wizarding community.  But it seemed to ignite a certain ambition in each of them, and Dumbledore’s Army would go down in history as boasting the largest collection of wizards and witches of such similar age to become adept at wandless magic, though some took many of the extra years provided by the vortex to get there.

Quidditch matches also became quite frequent.  The so-called All-Star match had rekindled interest in many from that age group, and at least two weekends a month a match or pick-up game could be found.  Ianto flew as often as his work permitted.

What had surprised everyone (except Ianto, of course) was that Jack now had just enough magic to be able to float a broomstick, and with Ianto’s encouragement, he was now learning a new way to fly.  It was slow going, because Jack’s magic was newly emergent (and not likely to be more than it was), and much bolstered by Ianto’s, but his love of flying kept him at it.  And his delight with the broom Ianto gifted to him at Beltane was in no way dampened by George Weasley’s assessment of it as “an old lady’s broom”, compared to Ianto’s Firebolt.

Ianto had also spent these months getting to know his grandfather, and finding he liked the old man, rather a lot.  Theodophilus had accepted Jack without turning an eyelash, and the two seemed thick as thieves.  Ianto was glad, but he did find himself being ganged up on at times, which seemed patently unfair.  Still, he took secret delight in having these two wonderful men fighting for his welfare.  It was a new feeling, and he reveled in it.

He and Jack rarely slept apart, any more.  Jack had all but moved in to Ianto’s flat, though they still stayed at the hub when the occasional workday ended too late into the night.  But Jack had not taken the final plunge yet, and Ianto had worked up the nerve the previous weekend to ask him to.  He’d cooked a fantastic dinner (a feat in itself, as Ianto wasn’t much of a cook) and after a lovely evening filled with laughter and conversation, he broached the subject.

Jack had looked at him steadily for a few long moments, and then smiled.  “I hope it’s obvious that I love spending time with you, Ianto.  And you’re right; I all but live here, already.  But… I like having my own space.  After so long alone… does that make sense?”

Ianto had smiled, understanding overriding any disappointment he may have felt.  “Of course.  It makes perfect sense, Jack.  I hadn’t considered that.  But just know, you’re welcome here any time.”

Jack had smiled and kissed him sweetly.  “Thank you, Ianto.”

Throughout the preceding months, work had been its usual mixture of drudgery and insanity as the rift ebbed and flowed.  Torchwood Three had expanded, bringing on Donna Noble and Mickey Smith.  Still small and agile, but now with two teams that could rotate so the one wouldn’t burn out.  Jack was still working on Martha, and fully expected her to defect from UNIT once the Osterhagen initiative was completely scuttled. 

At the moment, the rift was ebbing, but they had received word that one of the residents of Cardiff who had been hosting a hitchhiker had been taken to hospital in the early hours.  Owen was off somewhere, and so here they were, pretending to be bereaved as the A&E doctor informed them that the gentleman had passed.

In their goofy play-acting, they had managed to convince the doctor that they were neighbors who looked out for the old man, and he had made some remark that tickled Ianto.  Once they were alone with the body, he said, “He thought we were together.  Like a couple.  He said, ‘you two’.  The way he said it.  ‘You two’.”  He had to fight the urge to giggle.

“Well we are.  Does it matter?” Jack asked with an edge to his tone.

Ianto ignored the tone and smiled.  “I don’t know.  It’s still a bit new to me, that’s all.  Laser saw.”

“Thank you,” Jack said, taking the tool and seeming relieved to get back to work.  He made an incision large enough to extract the hitchhiker.

“Still, though,” Ianto smiled.  He knew he was mooning, but he couldn’t help it.

“Tongs,” Jack gritted.

“Tongs,” Ianto handed them over, finally registering Jack’s displeasure.

Then the bloody doctor barged back in, and they had to get away.  He spotted them as Torchwood, which seemed odd.  Or not.  Torchwood was behind just about every oddity in Cardiff, so it could well have been a shot in the dark.  But then he was blustering something about bodies going missing.  It seemed a bit…  Ianto couldn’t put his finger on it, but the delivery seemed off.

He was about to use legilimency to see what was bothering him, but then Jack gave the guy the brush-off, and they headed back to the hub.  Jack’s mood seemed to improve as they drove, but Ianto couldn’t help but wonder why he had gotten so cross, before. 

As they entered the hub, Jack called out, “Donna, I want you to do a check on Saint Helen’s Hospital.  Specifically the morgue.”

“Any parameters there?” came the reply.  “Dates, names, anything?”

“I found something,” Gwen chimed in.  “I’ve been getting reports this morning of seventeen traffic accidents happening right across the country, all the way from Glasgow to Saint Ives.”

“Is that above average?” Jack asked.

“Well, they all occurred between eight forty and eight forty-one.  Seventeen road traffic accidents happening in exactly the same minute, and every single one of them involving children.”

“That’ll be the school run,” Ianto said.

“All of them were just standing in the road,” Gwen went on.  “Not crossing the road, just standing.  I saw it myself, Jack.  Two kids on Market Street.”  She flailed her hands, trying to make her point.  “Well, they just _stopped_.”

After some searching, Donna and Toshiko found reports throughout Europe.  Ianto widened the search and found reports throughout Asia, as far as Tokyo.  At the same minute, it seemed that every child in the world just froze.  Jack reached out to UNIT, but with Martha on vacation, he was being stonewalled.

As Jack complained, Ianto noticed the CCTV of the Plass.  “You were right.  He’s back.”

“Ha, ha!  I said so,” Jack crowed.

“Who’s back?” Gwen asked.

They watched the A&E doctor standing topside.

“What’s he doing?” Jack asked.

“Waiting.  Just like you said.  He’s been there twenty minutes,” Ianto replied.

“Persistent.”

“Good sign.”

“Dogmatic.”

“Always a plus.”

Gwen huffed.  “Oh, Christ.  Never work with a couple.  You two talk like twins.  Now tell me who he is.”

Tosh chuckled, but abruptly stopped when she turned and caught Jack’s annoyed expression as Ianto spoke.

“Rupesh Patanjali.  He saw the hitchhiker.  He’s the bodies going missing man.”

“Ianto doesn’t trust him.  But we might be able to use another doctor.”  But only if Martha fell through.  He really hoped Martha didn’t fall through.  But in the meantime, this doctor may have a case for them.

“What, and you just let him follow you?”

Now Ianto looked annoyed.  “Ask about Torchwood, and most people point towards the Bay.”

“Oh, you bastards.  That’s exactly what you did to me, the first time we met.”  She looked from one grin to the other.  “Well, sod that.  I’m promoting myself to recruitment officer.” 

Donna went for coffee as Gwen went to meet Dr. Patanjali. 

Ianto grinned.  “She’s calling us a couple, now.”

“What’s your problem?” Jack asked, exasperated.

“Just saying.”

Jack turned and walked away.  “I hate the word couple.”

Ianto felt as though Jack had slapped him.  “Me too,” he said weakly, feeling pathetic.  Then he noticed Toshiko tapping away at her keyboard.  She had let her hair fall forward, but he could still see her blush at having overheard the exchange.

Ianto squared his shoulders and followed Jack into his office.  “May I ask why?” he asked, pulling the door shut.

“Why what?” Jack was growing more impatient.

“Why do you hate the word?” 

Jack’s stance became defensive, his arms crossed across his chest.  “Why do you care?”

Ianto shrugged.  “Consider it an anthropological curiosity as to the mindset of someone who grew up in the 51st century.”

“I seriously doubt that.  Why won’t you let this go?”

“Because whatever it is, it’s still ingrained, after living here for a hundred and forty years.  Must be a hell of a concept, is all.”

“Fine.  You know how I dislike your quaint little labels,” Jack snarked.

Ianto forced himself to remain calm in the face of the snide provocation.  “And yet, of your own free will, you have chosen to live here, amongst us, primitive and foolish as we are.  I wonder that you can’t bring yourself to respect us, even if you can’t accept our silly foibles.” 

Jack smirked.  It wasn’t a friendly expression.  “Well, let’s just say it’s a label that I find very limiting.”

“In what way?” Ianto felt compelled to ask, even as he knew no good could come of it.

“Well, it kind of locks you in, doesn’t it?  What if I actually wanted to be in a trio?  Or a quad?  Or even single?”

Ianto blinked.  Jack had been the one who had wanted to be exclusive.  Not that Ianto hadn’t, of course.  But it had been Jack’s idea.  Jack’s declaration, when Ianto had just assumed Jack didn’t want monogamy.  So what was he saying?  That he didn’t want monogamy, now?  But he said single.  Did he not want to be together?  He forced his expression to remain neutral, his voice calm.  “What are you saying, Jack?”

Jack saw Ianto’s face go blank.  He knew he was giving the wrong impression, but he couldn’t stop himself.  First Ianto wanted him to move in, and now he just kept _pushing_ , with the couple thing.  Jack had asked for his own space, and he thought Ianto had understood, but if he was going to push, then by the gods and goddesses, Jack was going to push right back.

“I’m saying I don’t like the label.  I said I don’t want to move in with you, and now you keep throwing this _couple_ thing in my face.”  He loaded as much disdain as he could into the word. 

“What, you think I put some random stranger at A&E and then _Gwen_ up to calling us that?” Ianto bristled. 

“No, but you sure as hell latched onto it, both times,” Jack responded angrily.

“If you’d pull your head out of your arse for a moment, you would see that I said something because I was pleased by it, not because I was circling back to what I asked you.”  He leveled a hard stare.  “That is _so_ off the table now, by the way.  And no worries about me asking, again.”

Jack blinked.  Did Ianto just _un-invite_ him to move in?  That made him even angrier.  “Like I’d want you to.  You’re behaving like a child who can’t get his way,” he fumed.

“A child?” Ianto repeated, incredulous.

“A spoiled one, at that,” Jack confirmed.

“Yes, like you’re such a paragon of wisdom and maturity,” came Ianto’s cutting rejoinder.  “And if anyone is the child here, it’s you.  Going apoplectic over a stupid bloody word.  I suppose you hate _relationship_ , as well.”

“Now you mention it.”

“So tell me, Jack,” Ianto circled back.  “Is it _couple_ that you hate as a concept, or that the concept has been applied to you and me?”

“I’m not seeing a huge distinction, at the moment,” Jack answered.

Ianto recoiled as though he had been struck.  “I see,” he said, his voice hard.  “Fine.”

“Fine,” Jack said, losing some of his momentum when Ianto’s naturally pale complexion turned ashen as the wizard closed down their psychic connection.

“Just so you know,” Ianto’s voice went quiet, “I was pleased that they saw what I’ve always thought was an impossible thing – that you’d…” he huffed.  Damned if he’d give Jack the satisfaction, at this point.  But there was a truth that needed to be told.  “I was pleased, because these past months since Hogwarts have been the happiest of my life.  But if I was so blind as to not see how _limited_ you felt…” he drew in, then pulled himself tall.  “Well, then.  More fool me.”

Jack’s anger dissipated and he felt a moment of panic as his sense of their bond faded away.  _What the hell just happened?_

“Ianto…”

“Oi!  The kids are doing it again!” Donna called out.

They all rushed up onto the Plass.  Ianto had grabbed a camera and filmed the child who was first frozen, then chanting. 

“We are coming.  We are coming.”

As quickly as it began, it ended.  The team offloaded Patanjali and headed back into the hub.  Jack ignored Ianto and tried to call John Frobisher at the Home Office, but only got as far as Lois Habiba on her first day.

They went back over the video.  By now, Owen had arrived, along with Mickey, who had been on an equipment run to London.  They figured out that all of the children were chanting in English, no matter where they were.  And then Gwen found the footage of one man, Timothy White.  The only adult who was chanting.

Jack sent Gwen to speak with Timothy White.  Then, “We need a child,” he said.  “We need to test those frequencies.  Find the right frequency, and we can find out who’s transmitting.”

“Where do you get a child, though?” Ianto asked.  “I can find you lasers and Weevils and hitchhikers.  But kids?”  He kept his eyes on his monitor, refusing to look at Jack, though he kept his voice mild.

“See you later,” Jack abruptly left the hub.

“Fine,” Ianto muttered.  A few minutes later he stood, grabbing the keys to the SUV.  “I have an idea,” he told Tosh, and left.

“What’s with them?” Owen asked, frowning.

Tosh shook her head.

“What?” Mickey asked.  He had noticed the absence of their usual banter, but they’d been working together fine, as usual.

“They’re professional enough to keep things separate,” Tosh said, then turned back to her computer.

“Yeah, right.  Since when?” Owen laughed.

“Wait, are they fighting?” Mickey asked.

Tosh and Donna looked at one another, once again marveling at how men have the nerve to think that it’s the women who are gossips.

“C’mon, spill,” Owen said.  “If they had a big blowout, at least let’s pop some popcorn and pull up the CCTV before the world ends again.”

“Yes, they fought.  No, we don’t know what about,” Donna said.  “And they’re still getting their jobs done.  End of.  Got it, skinny boy?”

“Alright, alright,” Owen raised his hands in surrender.  Tosh hid a smile at how Donna could cow the abrasive doctor.

***

Ianto knocked on the door and stood uneasily as he waited for the answer.  As the door opened, he gave a small smile.  “Only me,” he said.

“Oh, bloody hell.  We must be in trouble.  Or is it Christmas?”

As much as Ianto wanted a relationship with his sister, he just couldn’t seem to make it work.  They’d got it down to just seeing one another once a year, at the holidays, and they only just managed to keep things civil.

“How are they?” he asked, feeling awkward as he followed her into the house and became a pound dispenser for the ungrateful spawn of his sister.  David was definitely a squib, but he couldn’t tell for sure about Mica, yet.  His gut told him she was also a squib, and he hoped for her sake that he was right.

He tried to offer to take Mica out for her birthday, but Rhiannon refused, wanting to keep her close.  Giving the whole thing up as a bad idea, Ianto made to leave.

“Oh that’s it, is it?  You’re just gonna go?  Oh, sit down, you daft sod.  I’ve got some of that spinach dip.  And you and me, well, we’ve got things to talk about.”

“What things?” Ianto asked, puzzled.  Since when?

“You’ve been seen,” she answered ominously.

Ianto frowned.  “What are you on about?”

Rhiannon went on to tell him that Susan on the corner had seen him having dinner with Jack.  “Go on.  You never tell me anything.”

Ianto wasn’t sure what made Rhiannon think he’d ever tell her anything.  It wasn’t like they’d ever been close.  They were pretty much the exact opposite.  “I don’t think we’re going to have this conversation,” he said as neutrally as he could while still giving his tone a finality that brooked no further discussion.  He was still stinging over the blowup with Jack, and he was not feeling entirely certain where he stood with him, at the moment, so he certainly didn’t want to hash it out with his hostile (at the best of times) sister.  “And I’d appreciate you not broadcasting anything,” he added.

“Oh, no.  Honest, I won’t say.  If you want it kept quiet, I swear, I won’t say a word.  I promise.”

Then Johnny entered, all big and loud and taking up too much space.  “Aye aye, gay boy.  She says you’re taking it up the arse!”

“I see what a promise is worth,” Ianto snarked as he stood.  “Time to go.”

“Eh, whose car is that outside, is that you?  Black thing?”

“Company car,” Ianto replied.

“You want to watch it on this estate, boy.”

Ianto frowned.  “Should be fine.  Top of the range.  Triple deadlock.”  He and Tosh had worked hard on making the thing damned nigh impenetrable.

“Oh, aye.  Sounds like it.”

“Bollocks,” Ianto muttered.

Once outside, Johnny explained.  “What they do is, see, they drive round the block, then they come back for a lap of honor.”  He picked up some bricks, but at a look from Ianto, he dropped them. 

“Then that will be their undoing.”  Ianto took off his jacket, waistcoat, and tie, and handed them to Johnny, asking him to hold them.  He then removed his cufflinks and rolled up his sleeves.

“Right, here they come,” Johnny said, his voice more curious than jovial, now. 

As the SUV rounded the corner, Ianto raised a hand. 

“Ianto, don’t you dare,” Rhiannon hissed.

The SUV suddenly jerked as though the driver had lost control.  Then it came to an abrupt stop, directly in front of the house.  Ianto flipped a wrist and the front and rear doors on the driver’s side opened, and the boys were just changing back from ducks as they tumbled out.  A quick cleaning spell rid the SUV of any duck droppings that might have transpired.

“How dare you!” Rhiannon seethed.  “And wandless?  Since bloody when?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ianto answered smoothly.

The four boys – they were all in their early twenties – moved to circle Ianto as he closed the SUV’s rear door.  Johnny pulled Rhiannon back towards the house.

“You’re Rhia’s brother, yeah?” one of them asked.

“She says you’re a queer, now,” another spat.

Really?  Ianto glanced at Rhiannon and saw a nasty sneer on her face.  He took a deep breath.  “How about I give you fifty pounds a piece, and you tell me how you got past the SUV’s security.  Still a chance to part as friends,” he offered.

“How about you give us fifty pounds a piece, and we beat your nancy arse!”

Ianto paused, as if considering the offer.  “No, I think I’ll pass.”  He looked from one to the other.  They were trying to surround him, but he’d managed to keep the SUV at his back, so they couldn’t come at him, from behind.  He felt that old, familiar jolt of adrenaline as he continued, “You do realize I grew up here.  Ran with Driscoll’s crew.”

That gave them a moment’s pause, but then the apparent leader spoke.  “Leave ‘em all for dead, did you?”

That struck a nerve Ianto hadn’t realized was still raw.  “You should mind your manners, boy.”

“Fuck you, ya poof,” one shouted, coming at him with a brick.

Ianto had always enjoyed the hand-to-hand lessons Jack had given him, since joining Torchwood Three.  Not just because it was always good fun to grapple with Jack, but mostly because Ianto had always been a brawler.  But Jack had taught him strategy and precision.

He took down the one with the brick, first, sweeping the kid’s legs and putting him on his arse.  The second waded in, and Ianto dropped his hands, inviting the first hit.  The right cross hit him along his cheekbone.  A flare of pain exploded along the bone, igniting his temper.  He absorbed the blow and turned slowly back to the kid, who had clearly put everything he had into the punch and had expected to at least knock Ianto down. 

Ianto’s left hook came out of nowhere and knocked the kid sprawling. 

As the fight began in earnest, the kids got in a couple of hits, but as Owen never tired of observing, Ianto had been blessed with a thick skull.  The few hits he took did almost nothing, whereas he doled out quite a bit of punishment.  He knocked down three of the idiots and tossed their leader into the boot after punching him hard enough to make him see stars. 

“Go on, Son!” Johnny laughed, impressed.  He handed Ianto his clothes.

Nodding at Johnny, he tossed his things into the SUV and said, “Always a pleasure, Rhi,” and he climbed into the driver’s seat.  He looked at her sadly as she stared at him with enmity, her arms crossed over her chest in a disturbing echo of Jack’s stance earlier in the day.  He sighed and closed the door.

A few blocks away, he opened the boot and used legilimency to find out what he and Tosh needed to know in order to upgrade the SUV’s security.  He dumped the kid on the pavement with a fifty pound note in his pocket after _obliviating_ him just a bit to forget how Ianto’s eyes had glittered, golden and Cat-shaped, for a moment.

***

When Ianto arrived back at the hub, it was to whooping and applause from Owen and Mickey, and a few catcalls from Donna and Toshiko.  “The SUV’s cameras activated as soon as it was compromised.  I was about to activate the remote power-down when they all turned into ducks,” Tosh giggled.

“And between the SUV’s cameras and the CCTV in the area, we had ringside seats to some pretty impressive fisticuffs,” Owen laughed.

Truth be told, they’d all panicked when they saw the four street toughs try to surround Ianto.  They knew he could use his magic to protect himself, but that he’d be reluctant to do so because it would be a difficult thing to cover up, after.  It hadn’t occurred to them that he would stand and fight, muggle-style. 

Toshiko supposed they should not have been surprised.  The anger brewing just below the surface had been breathtaking.  She was glad he had offloaded some of it, though she knew he was really hurting from that argument with Jack.  Still, a small smile graced his lips at the good-natured ribbing from his friends.

“Let’s see that, you stubborn git,” Owen said, noticing that Ianto had a cut on his cheek and another small gash above his eyebrow.  Both had bled enough that his shirt now showed several small spatters.  Owen quickly cleaned both cuts and applied a butterfly bandage to the one on his eyebrow.

After changing, Ianto spent several minutes with Toshiko, letting her know how the kids had broken into the SUV and brainstorming countermeasures.  He was bringing everyone coffee when Donna called out.

“Result!”  There was a Holly Tree Lodge just outside Arbroath.  It’s a hotel now, but up until 1965, it was a state-run orphanage.  And they had a Clement MacDonald.  He was taken into care, April 1965, after his mother died.  No father on record.  In November 1965, he was transferred, along with.  Oh…”

Before they could ask her for more, Gwen came in and immediately made her way down to the med-bay, looking distracted.  No one paid her any mind, because then Jack came blowing in, seconds later. 

“We need damage control at Saint Helen’s.  One body, Dr. Rupesh Patanjali, shot in the back.”

“What happened?” Mickey asked.

“I don’t know.  He was just left there, right beside me, like someone’s gloating.”

“Did they kill you?” Ianto asked quietly, disconcerted that he hadn’t felt it but unwilling to reopen their connection, at the moment.

“Yeah.  Maybe we’re being targeted.  Whether it was him or me, we should be careful.”  He looked around.  “Better tell Gwen.”

“She’s back.  She’s in the med-bay,” Owen hooked a thumb over his shoulder.

Jack looked at Ianto, then quickly away, but then back.  He was about to say something, but then thought better of it and turned towards the med-bay.  “Gwen?”  He skipped down the steps.  “Boy, have I had a day.”

Then he saw the result of the scan Gwen had just run.

“Oh, my Gods.  Is that?  How long?” a smile was slowly spreading across his face.

“Three weeks,” Gwen answered, looking unsure.

“That’s good, isn’t it?  From where I’m standing, it looks good, to me.”

“Yeah.  Bloody hell.  It’s brilliant!” she smiled.

“Everybody!  We’re having a baby!” Jack called out, wrapping his arm around Gwen.  “Have you told Rhys?”

“I’ve only just found out myself.”

“Oh...  You told me before you told him.  He is gonna love that,” he grinned.

“Congratulations,” Ianto said from where he, Mickey and Owen were leaning on the railing.  Toshiko and Donna had run down the steps to hug Gwen.  “Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the SUV?”

“You did what?” Jack swung around, finally looking at him.

“Relax, he got it back,” Owen laughed.

“After beating the snot out of a bunch of estate rats,” Mickey added.

“I was an estate rat,” Ianto straightened, facing Mickey and looking very much not amused.

Mickey held up his hands.  “Same here, mate.  Same here.”

“What about this place?” Gwen fretted, ignoring the others.  “And my job?”

“We’ll manage,” Jack said, reaching out and taking her hand.  “We always do.”

His hand fell into the beam of the scanner, and alarms began sounding.

“What the hell is that?” Gwen squawked.

“Oh, my God,” Owen said, his eyes wide as he looked at the scan.  “It’s a bomb.”  He looked at Jack, his face pale.  “There’s a bomb inside your stomach.”

***

**Author's Note:**

> Some dialogue lifted from CoE.
> 
> So I read the scripts for CoE, Days One through Four. No point in Five, really. And I now declare for all to know: I have officially suffered for my art. I've spent half the week depressed and the other half re-reading Neil Gaiman's Stardust to cheer myself up. But I digress...
> 
> I only ever watched CoE the once, and thought it was awful - for many reasons besides the three most obvious (the bomb, Ianto, and Steven). But it's tough to infer things with just the scripts, so I've gone back and watched certain snippets, and my takeaways are that Jack acts like a complete tool all through Day One. And Ianto's face when Jack says he hates the word couple is heartbreaking. As is their argument at the beginning of Day Four. 
> 
> I don't know that this will follow the days/episodes after this, we'll see if it breaks down that way. But significant canon divergence, from here.
> 
> Obviously.
> 
> Hope you like it - kudos and comments welcome (i.e., hoarded greedily) - thanks so much for reading! :)


End file.
